Just Ebb and Flow Wit It

What’s up Beauties! I am so excited and flattered that y’all are still visiting my site and reading my sht! I know, I know that I’m hella sporadic with posting new blogs, but I promise I am working on uploading/posting more frequently. Like I have it down in my planner to get this sht on a schedule. It is sooo hard being a top notch procrastinating ADHD riddled daughter (son) of a gun, but dagblastit I TRY. And that’s all that matters, right? 🙂

But anywho – how did Mercury Retrograde treat y’all this time around? For me, Mercury in Retrograde straight up kicked my a$$. What’s crazy about that is although it was a tough Mercury Retrograde season for me, I did like a really good job handling the ups and downs that this season brought me. I mean I think I did a really good job. And with that alone I know that I am truly aligning with my highest good! It’s def been a journey to get to this point and there’s a lot more learning to do. Check out my previous blog post about my spiritual awakening here.

Here’s a brief overview about Mercury Retrograde for those who don’t know much. Mercury Retrograde is when the planet Mercury appears to be orbiting backwards. This “phenomenon” happens a few times a year. The planet Mercury within astrology represents communication, logic, and rationality. So during Mercury Retrograde communication, logic, and rationality are *foggy* concepts to say the least. Simply put, simple tasks like getting ready for work would all of a sudden become a mundane task that takes way longer than normal. Crazy sht like a random flat tire, spilling coffee on your work clothes, random two hour long traffic jams, etc would make getting to work a lot more complicated than it normally would be. Something like this could be attributed to Mercury Retrograde.

The most recent Mercury Retrograde phase began May 29 and ended June 22. Keep in mind that there are other phases of Mercury Retrograde such as the “pre-shadow” phase (two weeks before May 29th) and the “post-shadow phase” (two weeks after June 22nd) that also occur. During the “pre-shadow” and “post-shadow” phase it is expected that you will feel some ramifications from Mercury Retrograde but not the full on experience. I hardly notice complicated things that happen during the “pre-shadow” and “post-shadow” phases of Mercury Retrograde so I only put it here in case you’ve noticed anything odd during those phases.

This most recent MR had my anxiety at an all-time HIGH (I will refer to Mercury Retrograde as MR for the remainder of this blog post). I was constantly worried about what people were thinking of me and how they perceived me. I was super worried about how I came across to certain people (particularly my parents and elders). “OMG that laugh sounded dorky AF. Now they’re going to think I’m a fckn goofball.” *Slaps forehead* Like this most recent MR literally took me back to 2017 – 2019 feeling when I was enamored with what everyone thought of me. Like I swear I was competing to be a beauty queen and the people in the world were the judges. Like, what? I had honestly forgot what it felt like. I’ve been in this realm of fighting for my happiness by any means necessary and there was no way I was going to allow MR to erase all of my progress.

Like seriously tho, I felt myself feeling like I was going crazy during MR. In addition to the crazy anxiety of perception by others, I was also forced to face triggers and shadows that I have been running away from. A shadow is a dark point of time in your life that you’ve buried deep into your conscious. A trigger is an incident that occurs that reminds you of your shadow. Normally a shadow is a deep seated fear that can change your mood with the snap of your fingers once triggered. For example – I struggle with how others perceive my body (who tf cares, right?). I grew up super skinny. The kids in middle school called me “Stick”. Here recently I’ve hit my “second puberty” and have grown hips, butt, and boobs. Everyone is freaking out which I understand because I’m kinda freaking out too, lol. But that was a trigger for me. Everyone had an opinion about my body “you’re too skinny, you’re too fat, you’re fine af.” And I was trying to make space for everyone’s opinions without listening to how tf I FELT ABOUT MYSELF. That’s the shadow, trigger, and lesson to be learned.

So in addition to me trying to come off as this perfect specimen to everyone I was also fighting triggers and shadows what felt like every moment of the day. My mind was consumed with my most current weight gain, the fact that I’m 30 and single and without kids, wanting to quit my job and take the entrepreneurial aspirations seriously, being laid off from one of my jobs over the summer, etc etc etc all day long. I was in the house all day long consumed by these thoughts of what I perceived to be failure. Now do you see why I felt like I was losing my sht? I couldn’t control my thoughts. I couldn’t calm down. Which in turn made me super irritable towards my friends and family. Sorry guys, I promise I love you all to infinity and beyond.

Luckily, that feeling of craziness only lasted for about a week and a half of the MR. It was hard but I fought tf back! I refused to allow this MR (or just life period – for those of you who don’t believe in MR) to drive me back into a depression. With that burst of little energy I started thinking of how I could allow this MR to pass as seemingly as possible. The answer was to just ebb and flow with life *hits gong.*

This beautiful lesson is what I will carry with me from this day forward. When life gets tough instead of trying to be all about action and taking absolute control over your life just ebb and flow with it. Yes, some things in life require action on your end. But a lot of other things will happen whether or not you take action. So just relax, meditate, journal, take a walk, go to a museuem, play The Sims (my absolute most favorite game of all time), like just reeelaxxxx. Allow life to ebb and flow especially when you don’t have the energy to respond. It’s completely okay not to have the energy to confront your triggers and your shadows or any rough patch within your life. It’s completely okay if you don’t have the answer to the rough life patch. Sometimes it’s not meant for you to be able to resolve whatever it is bothering you right away. Sometimes it’s meant for you to…suffer *eveeeill laugh*. Lol, no seriously it is okay to feel the negative emotions. Feel the emotions of defeat, embarrassment, heartbreak, etc. However be sure to take notes of what’s happening around you. Be sure to take note of how you feel. Take note of actions or responses that you almost said but didn’t or anything crazy af that you thought. Journal it and look at the many life lessons, beautiful life lessons, this rough patch has taught you or will teach you. Take heed to those lessons and apply them to your daily life and life goals. Sht, you could even spread the love to your friends and family (please do not force anything down anyone’s throat lol). Whatever you decide to do just don’t let those lessons fall to the wayside.

Don’t give up boo. You got this.

Brought to you by my office at the pool. 😀

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